Example of an EFT Couples Therapy Session

Here's a short script depicting an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) session between a therapist, Susy, and a couple, Jen and Dave. The dialogue includes an example of "demon dialogue," where underlying emotions are eventually expressed.  The goal is to get below the surface of the argument into the emotions.  This creates a safe space for couples to share their emotions.  

Susy: Welcome back, both of you. How have things been since our last session?

Jen: It's been tough. We tried to talk about things, but it ended in an argument again.

Dave: Yeah, and honestly, it's frustrating. Feels like no matter what I do, it's never enough.

Susy: That's understandable. Jen, could you share what you feel when these arguments happen?

Jen: I feel unheard and unimportant. It's like my feelings don't matter.

Susy: Dave, when Jen expresses feeling unheard and unimportant, what comes up for you?

Dave: I'm trying my best here! I feel like I'm always the one who has to change, like nothing I do is ever right!

Susy: I hear your frustration, Dave. Jen, can you try speaking to Dave from that place of feeling unheard and unimportant?

Jen: When I bring up my feelings, and you react like this, it hurts. It feels like I'm not valued, like my emotions are dismissed.

Dave: But I'm not dismissing you! I'm just tired of feeling like the bad guy here.

Susy: It's clear there's a lot of pain on both sides. Dave, when Jen shares her feelings, what's underneath your defensiveness?

Dave: I guess... I feel inadequate. Like no matter how hard I try, it's never enough for Jen. So, I get defensive.

Susy: Thank you for sharing that vulnerability, Dave. Jen, hearing that Dave feels inadequate when these conflicts arise, how does that resonate with you?

Jen: I didn't realize you felt that way, Dave. I don't want you to feel like nothing you do is enough. It's just hard for me when I don't feel heard.

Susy: This is an important breakthrough. Dave, acknowledging your feelings of inadequacy is a big step. When we understand these deeper emotions it helps us navigate the conflicts more effectively.

Dave: Yeah, I... I guess I've been so focused on defending myself that I didn't see how it was affecting Jen.

Susy: That self-awareness is significant, Dave. It's okay to feel defensive, but recognizing it opens the door to understanding and connection. How does it feel to uncover these underlying emotions?

Dave: It's a bit overwhelming, but I see why it's important. I want us to work through this.

Susy: That's a positive step forward. In our next sessions, we'll continue exploring these emotions together.

Therapists in EFT often work patiently through defensive reactions, helping clients recognize and address their deeper emotions, fostering empathy, understanding, and, ultimately, healing within the relationship.